FrOm HeRe To ThErE... i NeEd A bRiDgE

It's 3:34 am and I can't sleep

scared to leave

yet ready to go

avoiding tears

just spreading meaningful goodbyes

their faces stay on my mind:

i came

knew no one

met friends 

study português

picked up my lost heart in the Brazilian sun

buried it in the bottom of the praia for next time

determined to return

to find more of self

here.

no roots here

just the same 

blood

For you..

Just wanted to say HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY AUNTIE TANYA! 

 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Thank you for all the things that you have done for me and for taking me to church with you.

and I will: let go and let GOD

p.s. all the pics i have of you auntie your eyes are close or your not looking, so i settle for you with a beautiful wide open smile.

       SisterSister

p.s.s. if you want me to take it off i will.

love you and my mom so much!

Trying to keep up WITH MYSELF.

I have been losing myself in not following time. No longer wish to carry a cell phone, never turning my head to see a clock or a watch because no time that i have been following for 19 years no longer matters. and it never should have matter. at night i know that we are not of this world only in it, but i have been blinded by knowledge i already know and i only seem to see when its convenient for me, but i promise to continue living in this light i have always knew but never followed, constantly. promise to walk by faith and not by sight. i no longer wish to go back and forth,, because the light holds meaning, understanding, and this light provides light for life. and I don't have to worry about watching time to find me, cause i was lost, am found because of light. that shines.

Maybe this is a beginning of a poem, not sure, i have so much going on within me that this just came out. i remember the things i love again: dance and poetry i remember what matters the most to me: God , family, and friends. 

Bless to have made a promise to my mother, two months ago,  i told her i would blog my journey and i think even after Brazil i will continue because it not only provided communication for you but it also helped me find more of me, the pieces i lost, the pieces i wish to forget, the pieces that needed appreciation, the pieces that i didn't want to believe in, the pieces that needed changes, the pieces that were broken, and the pieces that may come.

i have been keeping about 3 journals:1 blog 2 my green journal notebook 3 random microsoft documents on my mac. some get more writing in them then others but i keep forgetting to write on here. i keep forgetting to share. But i am a firm believer that a person makes time for what matters to them, so i apologize for not making time.

so picking up where my last blog left off: july 15 harry potter came out and i couldn't go see it because it was sold out everywhere! and to think the previous day i sat in a lecture where the prof. was explaining to me how films and cinemas in Brazil are not big..lol. well i guess i forget im not the only person who has read harry potter. its big every where. but i did get to see it thursday. so i can breath. although it was 2 hours and half long, i wish it was longer. the book had so much more in it, but i remind myself that this is only a movie, they cant put everything in it. but i thank j.k. rowling because she was a huge influence on my reading. i read through all her potter books, the 300 page, 400 page, 500 page, 600 page, and she might of had one 700 page i read it. and harry potter was never assigned through school, i read this on my own time. when i read through these books i believed in myself, in my reading level, abilities, and after that no book seemed to thick or to hard.

I had a lecture by Ana Alice  entitled: the condition of women in a brazilian society, blew me away. i had to keep my cool, all the truth i had discovered with my own eyes by living here just came to a reality with this professor's truth. i was not the only one who sees non-white brazilian work. and work. and work. here and there. i wasn't sure if white brazilian work here because i barely see it. All the maids, cooks, nanny's are non-white brazilian women. in the USA people would say they were black or mix. but brazil is not seen in black and white, when you here you have to unwrap your mind around those concepts because 'race' is a made up word. We, i mean many,  just believe in it.

so here are some statistics that blew my mind: 

women make up 53% of the population in salvador

but only occupy 44% of jobs

in Bahia, 71% of women are domestic workers

women get paid 71.3% less than men and women with an equal educational back ground receive 40% less than men

The way domestic working works here, in my opinion resembles  slavery, only its legal and they are receiving some type of money.  Its such a complicated situation, let me try to explain: first remember it is really hard to find decent jobs in brazil, after slavery was abolished the people that were enslave were discarded to the streets, so they did what they knew, some went back to the fields to try ad work and make money and others stayed in the city. The ones in the city for example the women, they made money by doing what they knew- cooking and cleaning.

And today thats what i see here. this is a sad truth: you either are a made or you have one. one of the many problems for most domestic workers is the fact they have no benefits: 60% have no protection, no social security. everyting is documented  (suppose to be) in a notebook called 'carta profiahna' (sp?) but there are no description no policies on what it means to be a domestic worker, all of that is worked out with the worker and the head of household. this concept of domestic workers is one i have struggled to grasp here. 

That and poverty have been the hardest truth/ realities for me to swallow. but i don't think i should be able to swallow this. these. i have to speak about it and share what i have witness so that other people understand the realities of others lives in another country. maybe put their problems in perspective to the rest of the world. 

I talked to my brother a few days ago and he told me how he was mad that mom accidently put a dirty towel on his new pair of shoes. i was like did you seriously just tell me this story about your shoes? i said dominick you are bless to have shoes, do you know how many people i see everyday with a house let alone some shoes. There is a man some mornings i see who sleeps on the hard cobblestone ground with a sheet and two bags. there is a woman and her son that sit under this tree and ask people for money. There is a woman i see who wraps her home, a cardboard box around her on the ground. 

I have this battle within me between helping and not helping, i mean yes anything would help but the problem is they keep coming back and sometimes they bring others or follow you, and that would be a very difficult situation for me, at this particularly time in my life. I don't have excessive money to just give. I am seriously thinking my last day here i will give what i can, i even plan on giving some of my clothes, even food if i am able to. Poverty isn't something that can be healed with a little donation here and there. Those gestures help and provide hope for more change. 

on a more positive note, i seen an amazing ballet foclórico in pelurinho it was ótimo (excellent)! i don't know why they called it a ballet or balé, because it was an amazing african dance! with the influence of orixas and at the end there was capoeira man! there was even a dance where a man dances with fire, including walking over it and continuing to dance, rolling the fire on his skin, and then extinguishing the fire with his mouth. wow! the live music, the dancing, the energy made me want to get out of my seat and join them. i remember why i love dance so much. th emotion and energy  dancers are able to give to the audience, the power the dancers have at making the audience feel. 

the very next day everyone from the program headed to Cachoeria, well this was a blank mission. It was 2 and half hours away we were told we were going to go inside Irmandade da Boa Morte( the sisterhood of good death) and Casa Grande( which literally translate to big house means the master house during slavery). 

The things we did were visit the farmers market and talked with a political party named Projecto do movimento dos sem terra (MST). The market was so interesting, we saw people cutting up cows, fruit is everywhere, and i seen tobacco before it had been process. There was fruit and food everywhere. They told us we were going to to do these things, got on the bus and everyone is sleeping, i mean its 8am in the morning when we left and it was around 11 or 12 when we got back on and there was like an hour lecture going on, so everyone thinks were going to the other two things. We stop at this huge house to eat lunch and then we headed to see the other two things. why we get there and there close. it was like 4 or 5, clearly our tour guide fred knew when these things closed, why did he change the plan. i asked him, he said because he thought people were hungry, more like he was hungry.  so we basically took a tour of Cachoeria.  i mean i can be positive, at least i got to be there and visit the city but wow, i could have goggled all of that,

So monday came and me and my crew of friends decide to express our opinion respectfully to clara, the lady who runs the program. so after a long discussion with her she said she will make sure that before we leave Brazil that we will go on another trip. so we shall see what happens...

Still Running Back...

Também,

In my other class, Brazil: culture & society class we going over main accomplishments and the problems Brazil has and are facing today. Topics we have covered and some that we have not got to yet include: military rule, economic issues, education, health p=issues, income distribution ( lack their of in my opionion), poverty, wealth, racial issues, land distribution, music, demographics, popular culture, the Afro-Brazilian contribution, and of course all the things i learn by just LIVING HERE.

In the past i have also had a guest lecture on Afro-Brazilian religions, focused on candomblé. I really enjoyed learning about this particular religion because in my African dance class we talk about many of the Oxias discussed. This lecture was an interdisciplinary experience for me.. ( FAIR school.lol) I learned that according to Nicolou ( sry cant remember last name) there are six characteristics of candomblé:

1. divination 2. initiation 3. sacrifice 4. celebration 5. possesion & 6. Healing

I hope I have inspired you to want to learn more about candomblé and I look forward to more in- depth convo about all this.

Also last week ( 9 de Julho) we had a a lecture on carnival: music and culture by Prof. Ary Lima. It was a cool class, got to listen to different kinds of music, history part of it, and of course talked about MJ and Olodum. Olodum is a cultural group that was ft. in the song "they dont care about us". But throughout the week Olodum performance in Pelurinho and on Tuesday they practice outside. Olodum is largely centered around music. It is credited for developing samba reggae, but it also offers cultural activities for the youth. 

 

Furthermore, had a dance class!( 10 de julho) I thought i was dreaming when i heard this, it was so much fun! Although i was tired because i barely slept, my bed is a bored.literally. but the love my host mom fills me with eases my back pain. but ya we learned forró, samba, and pegudia( spelled so wrong). out of the three my favorite is samba! although pegudia you can WIND IT UP..lol. man this was a funny class.

oh ya 8 de julho I visited Case de Jorge Amado e Iregreja Rosário dos Pretos!! I have been doing so much here in Brasil..my bad for not sharing everything..lol

But ya... Jorge Amado is one of the most famous authors, he wrote I believe 56 books!

Igreja Rosário dos Pretos- this church was an all black church ran by black women. In the past only black women over the age of 55 could be buried here. All the sculptures on the wall, including the object that potrayed Jesus, had a brown face, I rarely see that in my life!

 

Today the guest lecture was Prof. Claudio Pereira also from the University of Bahia, he talked about the History of Brazilian Films. I really enjoyed his lecture, although i was half frustrated because i could understand portuguese and i knew my Professor Q was not translating everything directly..ugg oh well, more motivation!

After is introduction he shoed us a short film entitled " Island of Flowers" ( i forgot who it is by) BUT PLEASE TRY AND SEE THIS!! really really good, wasn't what i expected and the beginning threw me off but then it hits you, as Prof. Pereira said this film "punches you in the stomach" and it did exactly that. TRUTH HURTS! and this short film epitomizes that and also displays the Brazilian circle of Poverty and Waste.

We also talked about how films are not really popular, not just Brazilian films but foreign films from the US, etc. I will be experiencing my first movie theatre in Brazil tomorrow, two words harry potter!  yes yes i am a fan, actually a huge fan. i have all the books and I have read all of them..lol

Being GOOFY!

Back Tracking..

Terça-fieta 14^th de Julho 2009

So much has been on my mind, mostly time. How time flies, how time goes slow, how time has a time of its own. I am in my third week here and I feel like I should just spend the rest of the year here. My zeal for learning this lovely language called Portuguese grows everyday. If I just had more time here! I have gained a greater appreciation for communication and respect for any person who travels to a country and they do not know the language. I have experiences way to many situations where I wanted to say so much or ask question and I just couldn’t fix my lips to say what I wanted to say or I didn’t know one of the words in my sentence. 

 

..picture taken today for my mom and of course a kissy face..lol 

ok back. like i was saying. I usually experience this most during my afternoon class. This brings me to discussing my afternoon classes. Entitled Brazil: Culture and Society class, which I usually have Tuesday and Thursday evenings before the class we have guest professors come in and give amazing lectures. All of the lectures so far have been in Portuguese except one has been English.

I guest the first official one was an introduction to Afro-Brazilian History with Prof. Isabel Cristina ( remember this woman’s name). She works in the history department at the Universoty of Bahia.  The title of her presentation was From Slavery to Freedom. She was accompanied by her colleuge Rachel Harding who I believe has her doctoral degree in afro-brazilian history and Creative Writing. Harding is the author of a book called Refuge in thunder (next on my list). Talk about accomplished and successful women…definetly an INSPIRATION TO ME. Now if I talked about everything from the presentation I would use up way to much space so below I have included some amazing points made/ discussed:

·      Malungu- the identity claimed by the people who came across the boat with you, these people all experience the same, sister/brother

·      Candomblé- is a deep religion that many Brazilians practice in Brazil, “recreation of family time,” a mix between Yoruba religion, Christianity, and Afro-Brazilian  of course have made this religion their own.* definitely read more on candomblés!

·      Benzala- slave houses

·      Resistance of slavery: work sabotage, fugitive, “quiliombos”, suicide, infanticide, slave rebellions, cultural resistance ( candomblé, capoeria, black catholic brother hoods, etc.)

·      Quilombo Palmares (1594-1695)- largest slave runaway, had over 30,00 people at one point

·      There was a Muslim uprising, “I had no idea!”

·      André Rebouças- Bahian founder of the “Sociedade Brasileira Anti Escravidãos” =Brazilian society anti-slaves

·      Black Pride & black consciousness spreading now

I asked questions about the culture & identity here, because the first thing I felt here was a unity among afro-Brazilians (And I’m not saying that this is true, its my opinion). Just a sense of who they are and where they came from, the African influence is seen here. BOLDLY& PROUDLY. Caraja are in competition here with McDonalds, that’s crazy to hear. * if you don’t know what a caraja is look it up!!*  But I will say there are “popular culture opinions” here like I notice how so many women perm their hairs. Its big in the USA but its big here, and guess what they wrap their hair here too!! I thought that was so tight, and even people who may not have dark skin tone wrap their hair. My host mom Angelica wraps her hair and my friend mom wraps their hair, stocking cap and all!

And how in the movies, magazines, even novelas, all the big media stuff you don’t see dark skin people in them. Maybe one or two, but not on the cover.

In the United States I feel not just African Americans but other Multi racial people have lost their sense of identity. As if we are all waiting for society to just give us our so called identity or culture. We have to take it, claim it, make it our owns, and have pride in it. I feel like in USA we allow our environment to influence who we become.

[inspired by an email I received from Casey J]

I wrote first official class because I feel as if when we visited Capoeira na Academia Madinga Mestre Sabiá e Fred Abreu that was another lecture. Although I could not understand everything Prof. Quicoli did his best (right..) to translate. There they explained how capoeira is a way of life and you make a choice to include it in your life or not. Also talked about the historic aspect of capoeria, how during slavery enslave people would practice capoeria and diguise it as a dance when it was really a martial arts. They were teaching each other how to defend themselves.  Just being in the presence in the room with all everyone I felt that it was a very sacred space. Also I found so many similarities between my African dance class with Chris Walker and Capoeria, the obvious: music, the circle, even some of the songs, and the community aspect. There is also a high level of respect and gratitude displayed between all the people their.

….I took the class right after we watched a class, talk about a long night. I really enjoyed myself but I must admit capoeria is NO JOKE! Its really hard! I was so sore the next day! I wanted to come back because I loved the community aspect of being there. I loved the music and the people. The people had smiles on their faces and determination when they entered the circle. I have been twice since then. I also experienced a different type of capoeria called Angola capoeria. It was WAYYY more difficult for me. This type is more close to the ground, slower, lot of strength needed and more freezes ( like in break dancing, standing on heads, etc). I am glad I experienced that class but um.. I don’t think I will be back. I took it with Mestre Jogo de Dentro, he is all about the conservation of Angola capoeria, making sure that it does not become some type of competitive sport.  

 look mom i braided my hair..lol two braids lol

Realized

Brasil- has held me today..has been cradling me and showing me that its ok to feel love here. From the people I have met to the sun and the kisses the rain sprinkles on me every now and then. We are all babies and its alright to allow someone else or something else to take care of you because later in life you will take care of someone.

At first it was so weird to feel so much love here from all the people, especially my host mom Angelica. I wonder does she really care for me or happy cause she is receiving money. It could be a combination of both. But her love to me is sincere, she has this ora ( spelled wrong..lol) about herself that transcends love to anyone in her presence. This women never has a frown on her a face and often times doesn’t sleep. She has no idea what time it is even though she wears a watch everyday, she just lives. I hope to capture her sincerity and her happiness because it seems the receipt for a happy life. She has taught me so much about Brazil and the language, with her infinite amount of patience we have long conversations everyday. I am re-learning the importance of family time. I am not taking meals for granted because they take some much preparations. We sit at the table for hours eating slowly and talking. 

I am excited to put into practice the numerous things I have learned and number one is sitting at a dinner table with family and friends for hours just talking and eating!

This tree grows from the roots up. I forgot the name, but it grows when birds poop on it. INTERESTING!

My weekend ( july 4 and 5) was spent at Praia do Forte-( which means for of the beach) :

1)We visited the castle of Garcia D'Avila he once owned over 3/4 of Brasil.He was the one who brought coco nuts to Brasil, which i believe he got from India. But its crazy because on every corner there is someone selling coco nuts, water, and milk. Also inside the castle there were slaves jails, very memorable! 

2) lots of mosquito’s 

3) very touristic…wouldn’t stay longer than a weekend there 

4) the turtle part was real interesting and cool 

5) beach was dirty but still cool to chill there

 6) lots of different animals in water..ugg

7) ice cream “sovette” was amazing, went to this place called fruity tutty..it was so amazing! Highlight of this trip! 

8) oh ya, at the castle there was all this African art work..pictures below:

Sign at entrance^^                                                    Model of how the castle use to look^^^

Work of Art^^^^                                          Remainders of the old castle^^^

Turtle sign^^^                                    A small turtle that stuck its head out^^^

A skeleton of an old turtle.They are famous here for being so BIG & a shell shaped bathroom^

Also we went to Clara parents summer house and ate lunch there. Clara is the director of the program and oversees everything. She is a character for lack of a better word. lol

 Cool art work on their house, i think Iemanjá ( water goddess)& friends and I chilling

 This is the hostel we stayed in, it was really nice & me chilling in the Hammock 

We stayed in the camarão ( shrimp)^^^ ^^     Clara told us" everyone will have their own bed and closet."...lol these are lockers or cubby holes..lol

 Friends and I trying to tan                    Self explanatory...lol. FYI i do miss home tho ( a lil bit)

Everyone has been asking pictures pictures pictures.. so below i have included some. I took a tour of Bahia and now i will share it with you

The sun was shining in my eyes!

Huge elevator

Water Goddes!

the sun hit this building beautifully

another church, in Salvador there are 365 churches! Salvador use to be the capital of Brasil

Pelurinho, very historic! This use to be the spot where the whipping post was and the slaves use to be beat in the middle of the city in front of crowds. I am a witness to how enslave people have overcome adversity. Afro-brazilian culture is bold, beautiful, claimed, proud, loving, understanding, and welcoming. This can be found in the food, music, smile, and spirit.