Protect your Dreams

So one more thing before I head to bed, I stumbled across these 3 videos that I want to share.

Protect your dreams-

Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson, I shared this recently with Millah and Maia. Thank you both for reminding me how much I need to remember this, believe this, and share this.

We count! A black Agenda is the American Agenda- Powerful, powerful, powerful, I'm trying to sit at the next table.

Desire more from the world, demand it, obtain it, and share it.

Distance and Time

I find so much time to just escape through my mac book, for better or for too much time spent. Between reading blog posts from other sites, watching documentaries on different important figures(high profiled and low profiled), listening to music, watching movies, reading different news articles from around the world, chatting with friends on fb, phone conversation, skype, gchat: just feeling feed and full.

sometimes i just escape it all, being embracing aloneness.

However, I have neglected my own thusfarinlife. If it makes my blog readers feel better I haven’t been writing either. Even in my own personal journal its dating back sometime last month. When someone is MIA, we hope they are doing well. And I am. Been sick here and there, went to the doctor the for the first time since I been here got some meds and I'm surrounded by med students, so I am being taken care of and looked after(don't worry fam). Sleeping more with all the rain during the day: I typically have class early in the morning and then sleep. I guess I'm trying to catch up on all the lost sleep because usually I don’t go to bed till really late at night, I guess sometimes my head is in central time…lol(6 hr behind me).

Sometimes I hook up my phone with the intentions to make a call only to realize this time I feel compelled to have a personal conversation with myself. Embrace the moments when I am alone. Not a sadness type of feeling more like grounded and peace in mind. I think critically, askying myself those tough questions I may not want to ask, reflect on where i've been and where I am going and where god is leading me. Smiling and laughing at the things I've done in my life that are funny. Thinking back, looking forward and learning to be more present. Through all the distance and time I have spent here in Coimbra, Portugal I have grown. My mind has been expanded, challenged, I have a better grasp on not only who I am but the woman I want to grow into(knowing there is room to change and make mistakes), and more importantly I have been more deeply rooted in faith.I took this picture at the International Slavery Museum in Liverpool, England.

Moving to another country: knowing no one and not knowing what to expect can be a scary experience. You don't know who to trust, your worried about your language competency, your out of your comfort zone. No family, no friends, nothing is similar. This strangeness, this newness can only do one thing for you:force you to grow whether your ready or not. But this is not alone, during these vulnerable/unknown times you are with the Lord. Only person there, the only person you can trust, talk to, and carry you through all the times you may find difficult. And before you know it instead of God carrying you, you are walking side by side. There's nothing wrong with being carried, being helped, being vulnerable, being scared. Why should you, should I feel ashamed for feelings these emotions? There natural and the more we take them in, feel them, the more we learn about ourselves.

As I prepare to return home for winter break, I want to give love and feel loved. Period.

I appreciate my family and friends.

"We are who We are because Someone Loved Us."

-Cornal West

Such a powerful /lingering statement, makes you count all the people that love you and see you in them. As well as think about the people you loved, knowing you've shaped their life in some way. Leaving a lasting impact.

Saudade

The word saudade has no direct translation in english, it can be described close with the words miss, or longing, but also it means to delight in knowing someone,place,thing. Saudade has these lingering sentiments of positive feelings as well as a sadness. Like smiling goodbye to a close friend who is moving to a different state for college(like all of my friends), and a tear roll downs your cheek. Inside your happy this person is going where they are called to be but at the same time you will miss their physical presence in your life.

This is probably one of my favorite portuguese words, saudade. It explains how I feel at the moment. I miss home and I wish I could be there, but at the same time I am very happy and feel bless for this opportunity to study abroad in Portugal. I am living and breathing everyday in Europe by myself, I came here knowing my program director via emails. I can count how many times I've seen her on one hand, and I've been here for about 2 months and some days now. So I basically came here with no one, an open mind, two big suitcases, and my portuguese phrase book. I must admit there are days when it's really refreshing to realize how much I am growing and how humble I am by this experience. I have met so many amazing people here in Portugal as well as other parts of Europe. They have really helped shape my experience to a positive one. Relationships. simple yet complicated. sometimes you have to let old friends go, for your own personal growth. (don't tolerate the apple in the barrel to be your life) relationships are so important in life, what would life be without them?Just like communication, I surprise myself sometimes when I speak portuguese or when someone talks to me in portuguese and I actually understand everything that they said. I get this big smile on my face and I nod my head with excitement.

But I will also admit there days that are hard for me. The days I wish I could just "jump" home just for a few hours, smell my mothers cooking, hear the school bells at Henry, hear the two dogs near my house bark at the neighbors walking on the sidewalk. I miss sleeping in my own bed. I miss my friends laughter, I can't remember the last time we were all together. Time has divided us but memories keep us together. I even miss my crazy first wave family. "where theres a will theres a Willie Ney," I miss long rehearsals, I miss memorizing lines and performing. I miss just bust and even the first wave checkins with Kahaema. I miss fleeing to Katrina for understanding, helping me remember education cannot come in the way of my learning and/or my growth as a woman. (shell woman). I miss state street with all those badger fans in red,lol. I miss everyone at FOL church, Pastor Gee's sermons were always real and deep. "Don't half way pray to God, he doesn't give you a half way blessing" so true!

Some of the FW family, when we were on our way to England for CTW. Man that experience was amazing, I still think about it.

I miss family dinners, the time you get to see everyone in the family at one time other than at a funeral. I miss that; setting the table, cooking, eating, everyone full and laying around. I'm laughing at the thought of all of us full sitting on the couch. We even play games together:Pictionary, Gestures, and Scrabble...ahh I miss that. But I'm sure there not missing the Scrabble champ Leslie to much..me being away gives them time to practice. lol

Last years Thanksgiving. Man I miss all that food oh ya and my family too..lol

Eu saudade minha familia. ->I miss(bittersweet) my family.

Eu saudade meus amigos.-> I miss(bittersweet) my friends.

Lutada

So the end of October there was a four day festival called "Lutada." They have this tradition here were the freshmen are called "collouidos," the one thing I think it is the closest to in the US is fraternity and sorority but in public, not divided by sex but by what school they are housed in(science, pharmacy, letters, etc.), and its basically all month long until "Lutada" but they are still called collouido not by their real name.

When I first witness this tradition it was strange because they poured beer over this girl head in my residence halls. Then when my classes started as I walked to class I would see more and more "activities" taking place. Making them sing songs in public, act out plays, tie an upper-classmens shoe, hold hands and walked down the stairs together, wear pajamas all day, play tag, basically they did what ever their group leader would say or another upper-classmen(which usually is a person with a harry potter cap on which is called a toga but I prefer to call it harry potter clothes.lol) anyways i went to two events, the first one was basically tons of students drinking and acting crazy on the street. it started at 12am till 7am, it smelled so bad, after about 15 minutes of people watching, i headed home. the other event I cant remember the name but this one was during the day 4pm till i have no idea. The collouidos dressed up in different costumes and there was basically a chaotic parade with tons of stoping and chants. Also the upper-classmens were eating on some kind of vegetable that i dont know the name of, the same vegetable that a rabbit would eat. And the colluidos had buckets of candy or silly things like an empty can of shoe string, they tried to sell while there. Not sure what they did with the money but it was only like cents and they didn't seem at all serious about selling. I posted photos and videos below so you all can witness what I did.

My friends and I

Snapping a few pics of the collouidos in action

The beginning of the parade

the warriors

a man screaming on a bus stop

superheros

more students

the vegetable they were eating

Did I mention they collect patches here?

(brought me back to my childhood memories at camp voyager I use to love canoeing and archery..lol)

smile

Also big shout out to Jamillah: Happy birthday!!!

&

Congratulations to Ebani on her healthy baby girl Khamille.

I love and miss ALL my family

I'm smiling over here at their happiness

Praying

So I just found out that: In the United Kingdom they found explosive material package that had a destination in a place in the United States.

I picked the best time to come to Europe right? And this Christmas break I wanted to travel around Europe. The only thing worth doing is praying.

Praying for Haiti-There is a cholera break out going on that is killing many people and it has now spread to the capital city.

Sometimes I wish I had the heart for medical school so I can just be there for people. We all need help, especially medical help from a doctor. I wish I could be there, pack everything I have and just go. Just knowing that my extra pair of hands could help someone.

Contradictions

I’ve realize I haven’t posted any pictures of where I live. So below are pictures of my resident hall as well as the buildings and view around it. I live near the pharmacy school and biology classes. Also I live right next to an old antique church. I am beginning to become more aware of this contradiction of the city: old vs new. Traditional vs modern. I wonder how it will look 10 years from now, for some reason I believe it will still be torn like this. I mean not that the relationship is seen as bad, its just very obvious. Even in the people, on a daily bases the people I encounter are either students or an elder person (meaning like 70+). Sometimes on the bus I count them because I am so shocked how many there are, one time I counted 15(70+) people on the bus, on a regular bases I see like 7 or 8. The elder people here use the public transportation regularly, they still living their lives, which to me is motivational. When I reach that lovely age I’m trying to keep living and moving, not settle for my bed and a card game.

My resident hall


The old church right next to my resident hall (not in use)

Th new buildings, pharmacy school and other medical classrooms

To the right of the picture is another cantina=lunch room. also the hard cement benches they have..lol

The contradictions that exist here mirrors my feelings here: sometimes I like it here and sometimes I really don’t. It honestly varies I am loving the fact that I put this goal to study abroad and it is now my reality. Sometimes I feel scared when my goals and dreams come true. But the more my dreams/goals become a reality in my life and exist, the easier it is for me to think of new ones. I believe in them because God allows them to come true. And when one may not go my way or come true, it just wasn’t meant to be. I dislike that the student culture I have witness is something I really don’t want to be a part of. The student cultural I have witness is partying and drinking from 1am till 7am Tuesday and Thursdays. They party hard here, the first two weeks I experienced it but I honestly got burnt out and after self-reflection I realize it is something that “self” didn’t want to do it anymore. I had a desire to experience it and I also have a consciousness and a soul that deciphers that I really don’t want to participate. I guess I came here with an expectation that the student life would be different from Madison, the only difference are the drinks, times, music, and language.

I enjoy the people I have meet here. I really love the conversations I have been having. Understanding different cultural things about Europe, the similarities between countries as well as the differences besides the obvious: language. Learning about the different reasons for the other students to learn Portuguese as well as their first encounter with Portuguese. There are many Asian students in my class that express the job opportunities and how their families have moved to Portugal for work so they have followed as well to help or find a different job. The people from Timor here want to learn Portuguese because it is the official language in Timor but they speak another language(cant remember the name, sry). But I found that interesting, like does the government keep education away from the people? Is it hard to learn Portuguese in Timor? Like are their no teachers teaching it? I’m sure language represents power and the ones with power probably speak Portuguese and it’s a privilege to know it. I don’t know just guessing. I had no idea that Timor people spoke Portuguese, or that it is their official language.

I don’t enjoy the lack of art here. I feel like if I had more time here I could start like a dance club or an open mic or something, but I don’t have that much time here.(yeah!..lol) and I don’t want to start something I cant finish, I would feel bad about that. They have tons of partner dance classes like tango and salsa but im not really into partner dances. I like to watch and mess around with them here and there at like a party or something but I don’t want to devote time and money to it. Also there are ballet classes but there in academies so I have to enroll for a year and pay for a year and also I found some dance classes an hour away for meninos-little kids. Ya should have seen my face when I arrived there, the lady was like do you want to try out the class, I smiled at her and told her thank you but I will pass. I mean the kids were 6 and 7 years old skipping all around the room. But maybe when I go to Brazil I will be able to do more, who knows. I will try to come with no expectations, I see from experience here in Portugal that’s all wrong. You end up disappointed. I cant expect that Belo Horizonte will be my experience in Bahia, and I cant have those expectations. I have to go there with an open mind and willingness to try new things and new ways. I have a friend Caleb there now so I have been talking to him and he is just loving it there, he spent a whole year there, I kind of wish I spent one year there just because the first 3-4 months your finally feeling settle-made friends, u know were places are, you’ve traveled a little, school is going well, and then bam you pack up to leave. Lol. I mean I couldn’t do a year here in Portugal but maybe another part of Europe, like Holland(lol) that would be a great experience. There is soo much cultural there, man if it’s one place I recommend in Europe it is Amsterdam.

I like were I stay, the resident hall is really nice and the people are very nice and helpful. I am enjoying the food I am eating although I wish cereal boxes came in bigger boxes, I feel like I always purchase two just so I can use all my milk in enough time. I really love the pastries here, yeah bread has taken over my diet. For better or worse…lol