Saudade

The word saudade has no direct translation in english, it can be described close with the words miss, or longing, but also it means to delight in knowing someone,place,thing. Saudade has these lingering sentiments of positive feelings as well as a sadness. Like smiling goodbye to a close friend who is moving to a different state for college(like all of my friends), and a tear roll downs your cheek. Inside your happy this person is going where they are called to be but at the same time you will miss their physical presence in your life.

This is probably one of my favorite portuguese words, saudade. It explains how I feel at the moment. I miss home and I wish I could be there, but at the same time I am very happy and feel bless for this opportunity to study abroad in Portugal. I am living and breathing everyday in Europe by myself, I came here knowing my program director via emails. I can count how many times I've seen her on one hand, and I've been here for about 2 months and some days now. So I basically came here with no one, an open mind, two big suitcases, and my portuguese phrase book. I must admit there are days when it's really refreshing to realize how much I am growing and how humble I am by this experience. I have met so many amazing people here in Portugal as well as other parts of Europe. They have really helped shape my experience to a positive one. Relationships. simple yet complicated. sometimes you have to let old friends go, for your own personal growth. (don't tolerate the apple in the barrel to be your life) relationships are so important in life, what would life be without them?Just like communication, I surprise myself sometimes when I speak portuguese or when someone talks to me in portuguese and I actually understand everything that they said. I get this big smile on my face and I nod my head with excitement.

But I will also admit there days that are hard for me. The days I wish I could just "jump" home just for a few hours, smell my mothers cooking, hear the school bells at Henry, hear the two dogs near my house bark at the neighbors walking on the sidewalk. I miss sleeping in my own bed. I miss my friends laughter, I can't remember the last time we were all together. Time has divided us but memories keep us together. I even miss my crazy first wave family. "where theres a will theres a Willie Ney," I miss long rehearsals, I miss memorizing lines and performing. I miss just bust and even the first wave checkins with Kahaema. I miss fleeing to Katrina for understanding, helping me remember education cannot come in the way of my learning and/or my growth as a woman. (shell woman). I miss state street with all those badger fans in red,lol. I miss everyone at FOL church, Pastor Gee's sermons were always real and deep. "Don't half way pray to God, he doesn't give you a half way blessing" so true!

Some of the FW family, when we were on our way to England for CTW. Man that experience was amazing, I still think about it.

I miss family dinners, the time you get to see everyone in the family at one time other than at a funeral. I miss that; setting the table, cooking, eating, everyone full and laying around. I'm laughing at the thought of all of us full sitting on the couch. We even play games together:Pictionary, Gestures, and Scrabble...ahh I miss that. But I'm sure there not missing the Scrabble champ Leslie to much..me being away gives them time to practice. lol

Last years Thanksgiving. Man I miss all that food oh ya and my family too..lol

Eu saudade minha familia. ->I miss(bittersweet) my family.

Eu saudade meus amigos.-> I miss(bittersweet) my friends.